why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize