Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
