OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
