the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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