i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
