my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
