I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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