im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
