i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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