lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
