I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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