I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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