I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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