I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
