she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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