I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
