I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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