I'm jealous of your bromance
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
