people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
