No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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