It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
