I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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