Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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