The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
