just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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