i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
