why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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