worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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