Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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