I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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