Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
