I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
