why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
