I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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