I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
