It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
