I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize