But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
