I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
