Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think your dad took our porno
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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