Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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