Non-Jews are for practice
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
