I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
