its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
