i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize