Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
