What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
