So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize