I didn't shave. On purpose
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
