I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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