I wish I only lived at night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
