When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
