If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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