I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
