Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
