And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
