and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
