If i come over, it means nothing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How does it feel to date your dad?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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