I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
