guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
