Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
