Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
