so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
