so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
